Haunted by the past
by Sapphira Eleyne
Summary: A young woman disappears and Martin has a terrible scare, because she is his sister. The incident brings forth a flood of troubeling memories for Martin and his family. Final Chapter!
1. Prologue

**First of all I am just lending the charas they are not mine.**

**This is also my first fanfic so please be kind. I am german so this isn´t that easy for me, so if there are some mistakes with the language please feel free to tell me.**

**In the series there is little about Martin's past, so I developed a story. **

**I hope you enjoy!**

**"Haunted by the past" by Sapphira Eleyne**

_Prologue_

_The young woman comes to an end with the message on her Laptop, stand up and walk to the window, which present a fantastic view over the city. Her fingers grip the cup with tea hard and she feels the warmth. Her face brightens a little bit and her sapphire blue eyes are radiant with happiness when her thoughts wander to her brother. Soon she would see him again after the long time of absence. She only know that he works at the FBI bureau in New York._

_The rest of the sunbeams warm up her face. This is the time of day she likes best. _

_She remembers the time when she was in Arabia, her little yellow house which was surrounded by climbing plants and a fullness of golden light, the sun which sank in a sudden fall and shrouded the great desert in darkness. There are also thoughts about the horses, about her beloved grey mare. _

_The young woman closes her eyes and there was a smell of scorched earth and the feeling of the powerful muscles of the mare during her gallop. Abruptly a siren calls her out of her memory. She open her eyes again, it was cold. She takes a seat at her couch with a blanket. _

_Her thoughts wander again to her brother. Both have the same sapphire blue eyes. She remembers the last time she saw her brother years ago. There was a shadow behind his smile and a heartbeat of lost in his eyes. But also honesty and strength, sensitive and strong will, gentleness just as a hidden intensity had left their mark on him. _

_He was always stronger than her. Every time when she not getting well along with her live, when the burden of her past she threatened to overwhelm her brother was with her. She doesn't know how he can live with the past._

_There is a short scene she can never forget. Ever where was so much blood. Too much blood. It was gushed at the wall and the furniture. The smell of blood caused nausea and then she saw the woman. Her eyes were open in a speechless cry and tears were on her eyelashes._

_Even after all this years, it was so real for her. She tried ever thing to get rid of this all. _

_She changed her name, he leaved to a far country and she broke off every contact to her family and friends._

_But now she is here to deal with their past. There are so many questions and she doesn't want to go this way alone. She feels that it was important to go the way with her siblings. She doesn't want to keep silence about the secrets of their past._

_The young woman finishes drinking her tea. She stands up and put away her cup._

_After that she put on her coat and her shoes. With strong steps she runs out of the door, turn around once more and then in a cold draft she is vanished._


	2. Coming home

Here is the first chapter of "Haunted by the past". It was very difficult for me to translate the whole chapter and I believe there some errors in the language. But I hope it's understandable.

Enjoy!

Translation from Japanese to English:

"Dozo tsukete kundasai" you can translate with call for help

_**1. Chapter**__** "Coming home"**_

_It __is dimly lit and he couldn't see barely anything, but he can smell blood. The __smell caused nausea and he feels like its drive him made._

_Suddenly he __sees her. Her eyes are open in a speechless cry and tears are on her eyelashes. He opens his mouth to cry, but he doesn't utter a sound. _

_He__ tries to get away from the evil in the room, but there was no escape. He begins to cry._

"_Dozo tsukete kundasai!" _

With a jerk Martin Fitzgerald sit up in his bed. He is bathed in sweat and his heart throb. Gradually he slows down.

Martin's throat was on fire, and his back, legs, and arms ached. He felt so weak, he wasn't sure if he could stand up anyway.

Despite of this he tortures out of the bed and walks to the open window.

There is a light breeze which stroke reassuring across his face. Then he has a look at his clock.

"Damn it! I will come to late again."

As quickly as possible he gets ready. He put on his coat and cursing the persistent cold that had nagged him for almost a week now. It wasn't bad.

He could ignore it – had ignored some colds before.

**MPU**

When Martin enters he bullpen, Elena, Vivian and Jack aren't their. It seems that the team has a new case. Danny shakes his head as Martin walks toward his desk and sit down in front of his computer.

But after a few minutes the background of his monitor aches in his eyes. He closes them and let his thoughts wander.

Slowly the memories of Fiona force its way through his heart, like a monsoon. Martin doesn't notice Sam's appearance behind him.

"Martin! Are you okay? What are you doing? Jack was mad, that you come late again this month. Be careful or you have serious problems. Beside we have a new case

and we could really need your help." She says and stands a cup of tea in front of him.

Martin opens his eyes; take the cup of tea and follows Sam. He already regrets that he stood up. His head pound over and over again and his whole body hurts.

"Fiona Campbell, 27 years old. Last seen yesterday at eleven o'clock in the morning when she leaves her apartment. Her employer called the police because she didn't come to work.

She was never too late or absent. Viv and Elena are searching for evidences in her apartment and Jack is talking to her employer.

As Sam steps back, it hit Martin hard. He knows the woman, who looks at him from the picture very good, too good. He would never forget those bright blue eyes, her snub nose and the little scar over her eyebrow.

Suddenly he feels weak like never before. The cup with tea slips out of his hand and shatters on the ground. Automatically he bends down to pick up the broken pieces.

"Martin, are you okay? You bleeds. Let me help you." Sam looks with concern at him. She guides him to his chair and get some dressing material for the wound at his hand.

Danny watchs at Martin. He is worried about him because Martin behaves strange since a few weeks. Danny stands up and he decides to mop up the ground with a cloth.

Then he walks toward Sam who is searching for a band-aid.

"What's going on with Martin? First of all he comes too late, then he can't concentrate on his work and in the end he let drop the cup. I have never seen him in such a frame of mind.

Something must be really wrong with him!"

"I don't know what happens to him, Danny. But you are right. He behaves really strange. But we should wait and see if he speaks with us."

Sam turns around and hurries to Martin. She gave him the band-aid. Afterwards she works her way through the finances of Fiona. Martin looks through the telephone conversations when he discovers that Danny sometimes looks at him with quick glances.

Martin doesn't know how to react. Should he tell them everything or should he better say nothing. He decides to wait.

**Some hours later**

First Vivian and Elena return from the inspection and tell the others their information.

"We haven't found anything interesting, except those old photos and something which is similar to a diary. Nowhere else we could find information about her past. It is very difficult to find out who she is.

There is nothing personal in her apartment. It's sparing and cold. I wish we could find out more about this young woman." Elena sighs and let herself plop into her chair.

"Let me see!" Sam says and grab for the photos and the diary.

Martin wants to stand up and snatch the things out of her hand, but he knows that his colleagues want to find Fiona and use everything, what is useful.

He has to be calm when he wants to know what happened to his little sister.

"We have to find out who are this boy and the man on the photos. They are maybe her brother and her father."

Samantha leafs through the book. The handwriting was filigree and on the one or other side there are little illustrations. It was obvious that Fiona has a talent for drawing.

"This sounds really interesting." She says and begins to read loud

"_After all this years I have found the courage to observe my brother. He didn't notice me and it seems like yesterday as he stood in front of me. He didn't want me to leave but I had to go. _

_There was no hope for me. But the scene is five years ago._

_Five years and the memories are in my blood, they are deep in my heart and they never let me rest. Often I lie awake because my thoughts torture me._

_So many __years passed away, but the death is like a shadow which never leaves me._

_My brother always covers me with his love, warmth and safety which I ask for. In these moments all the teasing were forgotten. I was a normal girl with a normal family._

_But nothing was normal!_

_THEY said everything will be all right, things will come right__. But nothing would never, ever be the same again. Never!_

_It's time to go back and come loose from all the thoughts and memories which torture my heart and soul for __such a long time!"_

"It seems that she loves her brother very much. Maybe he can help us to find her and tell more about her life. We have to find him. I believe something happened in the past of the young woman and it's our job to discover what she suffers from."

When Martin hears the sentences from Fiona's diary his heart begins to ache. Never would be ever the same again. It happened too much and they couldn't it tell anyone. His father would be furious.

But to keep silence gave him and his siblings a lot of trouble. He has completed with the past and he didn't want to relive the traumatic years which followed the incident in their past.

In the next few hours the team tries to find out more about Fiona, but she has take care that nothing reveals from her past.

Then Martin decides to go to Jacks office. When he enters, Jack is looking up from his desk.

"Come in Martin and sit down!" he says.

Martin goes to the desk and sinks into the chair. He knows Jack would speak to his late come.

"Today, you were late again Martin." Jack begins "This shouldn't happen again or I have to do something!"

"I'm Sorry, Jack. At the moment I don't know what's wrong with me. All falls apart and I don't know what to do!"

Jack look up when Martin begins to tell. This isn't the cool and self-control Martin who is sitting in front of him. Jack was scared when he looks at Martin.

He doesn't look good, but rather pale, tired and exhausted.

"Are you okay, Martin? You look tired! Maybe you take a few days off and recover."

At first Martin is silent, but then he nods. He has to find Fiona, but he could do it better alone. He knows her best of all and now when Fiona is vanishing he couldn't concentrate on his work.

Because of her handicap she could come in a dangerous situation. Especially when she loses the most important thing she needs extremely.

"I think you're right." He sighs, stand up and leave Jacks office.

Jack looks thoughtful as Martin leaves his office. He doesn't want but he is worried about his agent. Something was definitely wrong!

Martin comes back, walks directly to his desk and grabs his things. The other agents look behind him when Martin leaves the bullpen in direction to the elevator.

The doors of the elevator close, Martin lean his head exhausted against the wall. His headache becomes from bad to worse and to top it all he get probably a cough.

His thought moves in a circle about Fiona and her disappearing.

How long has she been here and why she hadn't report to him? And now she is vanished and it tortures him that nobody knows what happened to her.

Slowly he climbs up the stairs to his apartment. The elevator was out of use, again.

After he enters his apartment, Martin goes directly to his telephone. He pushes the buttons of the telephone und wait that somebody takes off the phone at the other line.

"Hello?"

"Hi, that's me! Fiona is back!" Martin says.


	3. Surprising news

_**Sorry that the second chapter takes so long, but there was some work to do!**_

_**At first thanks to Stephell. She was a great help with her comments and ideas for the chapters.**_

_**Also special thanks to Helen who supported me to develop the story.**_

_**But now read, review and enjoy!**_

_**2. Chapter „Surprising news"**_

„Hey Jack, I have got a call from the police. In a side street, three blocks away from her apartment, they have found something." Danny runs up to Jack.

"Okay, let's go." he says

When Danny and Jack arrive, they are lead to the side street by a police officer. A black bag lay on the ground. On the front is a picture of a horse and the name "Fiona".

"A homeless had found the bag. I have patrolled with my partner and I saw how he rummaged in the bag. I couldn't believe that it was his bag so I went towards to him. The moment he saw me he run away but my partner caught him. If you want, you can talk with him. By the way, there is an identity card for the bag. It belongs to a woman named Fiona Campbell, are you searching for her?"

"Yes! I will take the evidence." Jack nods his head.

Meanwhile Danny has been looking around the scene. Then he sees something strange, a small black object that looked like a battery.

"Jack, I have found an object it might belong to our mysterious woman." Danny says and holds the spool into the light.

"What's that?" the policeman asks. Neither Jack nor Danny knows the answer, so they decide to take it with them.

"Now we want to speak with the man who found the bag!" Jack demands.

The police officer guides the two agents to the man. He is wrapped in a shabby coat. His hair is matted and his body odour is very acrid.

"Where did you get this bag?" Danny asks.

"It was on the ground. I haven't done anything. There was nobody when I found the bag. I didn't know anything about that woman. You have to believe me!"

„Do you know what this thing could be? " Jack shows the man the black object.

„I don't know, really! " The homeless man answered answers the question.

"Are you sure?" Jack asks him.

"Yeah. I'm homeless, but I'm not stupid!"

"Okay, thanks for your help!"

Jack looks to the corner where Danny found the black object

_The young woman is talking to her colleague Aileen McGrew. It's a mild day and she decides to go for a walk._

_She laughs about a joke and is searching for a handkerchief in her bag. Then something happens and she gets a shock._

_She runs a distance and turns left into the side street. She stumbles, crashes against the wall and the battery and her bag fall down._

_She stands up and run away._

The two agents say goodbye and make on their way to the office.

Back at the office Vivian tries to find out for what the battery is used for.

Sam and Danny inspect the contents of the bag. There is her wallet, a packet of handkerchiefs and lip salve. But there is nothing which was useful for the agents.

So Sam continues to read Fiona's diary. She can't stop reading. "_This diary is strange_." She thinks.

And then Viv strikes gold as to what the small black object is.

"Hey, I believe I know what that thing is!" she tells.

Immediately the team assembles around Vivian's desk.

"This is a transmitter battery."

"What's that?" Samantha asks.

"This transmitter battery is part of a Cochlea Implantation. This is a hearing aid for deaf people and people who are hard of hearing. There is a number on the battery."

Vivian enters the number in the computer.

"A Dr. Balenger inserted the implant here in a surgery, New York. He is a specialist for hearing defects." Viv tells the others.

"It seems Fiona is deaf!" Elena suggests.

"Okay, ask him to come! Vivian, I want a background check." Jack says and Viv nods.

When Dr. Balenger arrives at the bureau, Jack and Danny speak with him.

"Hello, Dr. Balenger I'm agent Jack Malone and this is agent Danny Taylor. We want to talk with you about Fiona Campbell. We believe she was a patient in your surgery!" Jack begins and shows the doctor a photo.

"You are right. This woman, Fiona Campbell, was a patient of mine, but I can't discuss her case because of the medical secrecy." Dr. Balenger nods.

"Dr. Balenger I really need to know her condition and I will use a subpoena to get the information which I need!"

"You know I don't release that kind of information willingly, so please do. That's the only way I can legally give you the information about my patient." Balenger says.

Jack takes the battery out of his jacket and lays it on the table.

"You know what this is or?" he asks Balenger

"This is a part of the Cochlea-Implant. The CI is suitable for patients whose inner ear doesn't work but the auditory nerve does. A bundle of electrodes will insert in the hear snail during an operation.

These give the sound, which is recorded by a microphone as electrical impulses to the auditory nerve. The CI consists of the microphone and a signal processor, a transmitter battery with a magnet and a receiver battery. The receiver battery and the magnet are inserted under the skin behind the ear during an implantation. The transmitter battery clings on the scalp because of the magnet. The battery can be removed and there is silence like before for most people. But I can't say anything about Fiona."

"Okay, thanks!" Jack releases Dr. Balenger and then tries to get the subpoena.

Two hours later

"Jack, a courier just delivered the medical files of Fiona Campbell after the doctor was served the subpoena." Danny says and gives him the files.

"That's not very understandable! We should call Dr. Balenger and let him explain her condition!"

On our later the Balenger is again at the office.

"Now, agent Malone we can discuss Fionas condition."

"So, Fiona is deaf?" Danny interrupts the doctor

"She is not deaf, but hard of hearing!" Balenger corrects him. "Fiona has a rest of hearing sense, but she couldn't use it. She owns on both sides of the ears a CI. Her CI supports this rest of hearing sense. Of course she had to practise and do a therapy: sounds of animals, usual sounds and her voice. The hearing of directions took almost two years."

"That battery we found belongs to her CI. What means that for her CI and hearing sense?" Danny asks him.

"She is habituates to her CI's. Her hearing of direction could be affected. Maybe she misjudges noises of cars and is so endanger. But I don't know what really could happen if she's upset.

Jack nods "Thanks for the help Dr. Balenger."

"No Problem. I hope you can find her!" Balenger says and leaves the office.

After the conversation with the doctor he goes to Viv and she had finished the background check.

"I'm searching for you. I have some surprising news." She says.

After Vivian's explanation Jack is stunned by the news.

"Hey, listen everybody. We have new information." he shouts in the room.

Elena, Sam and Danny sit down waiting for the news.

"Viv had run a background check and she found out that her name had been changed a while back. She looks through the court documents on the name change and come up with a name.

Her real name is Seneana Laoghaire Fiona Fitzgerald, daughter of Victor and Melinda Fitzgerald. She has two sisters, Elaine Conklin and Melissa Rossin, and one brother, Martin Fitzgerald!"

For one moment there is a tense silence.

"Did I hear you right? Martin is Fiona's brother?" Sam asks totally surprised.

"Yeah, but this is not the whole thing. I checked her birth certificate and find out it's sealed for confidentiality. So after getting a subpoena to unseal the document I found out she was adopted at the age of five!" Vivan says.


	4. Shadow's of the past

**After a long time I have written chapter three. I hope you enjoy and please review!**

_**3. Chapter "Shadow's of the past"**_

Kotaete Answer me!

**Martin's apartment**

Martin tries to reach Fiona on her cell phone, but she doesn't answer, it goes to her mailbox. He decides to write a SMS, because he is not sure if she still carries her CI's.

_Hi, Fiona, it's, Martin. __I know how difficult it is for two people to find each other; especially if one doesn't want to be found. I hope you are well. I would like to see you once more and then, if you want, you don't ever have to speak to me, please! Kotaete!_

Suddenly Martin feels a desperate loneliness that aches terribly and all the negative thoughts seep into his heart, where there is so much angst and pain and he wonders how much it will take to break his heart.

Martin sits down on his couch and puts his head into his hands. He is exhausted, emotionally, mentally and physically. Usually the memories and dreams are disappearing from his mind before he gets out of bed, but since a few weeks ago they follows him when he sleeps, showers and eats. They are brief flashes of memories, but they always cause him to frown and now Fiona's disappearance. Should he have taken better care of Fiona? Should he have known that she was here again?

He doesn't know the answer to those questions and that hits him hard. Martin feels empty. He lay down on the couch and wants to close his eyes only for a short moment, but soon he has fallen asleep.

_The dream is always like a shock. Blood-stained walls and her face whirl around Martin and include him. Desperate he tries to cry, but no sound comes out of his throat. He wants to escape, but he can't move. At first he hears her cries and then there is the cold shriek with laughter in his ears. He doesn't want to look, but something forces him to look. _

"Martin? Wake up. What you are doing?"

Martin sits up with a jerk at the sound of his sister's voice. His eyes are blurred with sleep, and he can barely see her at the door.

"Nothing," Martin mutters, resting his pounding head on a sheet. "I'm just resting."

Elaine comes to the couch. She put her hand to his forehead. "You're burning up with fever."

Her hand feels so marvellously cold.

"I'm fine," Martin whispers. But he feels so weak, he isn't sure if he could stand up anyway.

"You are feeling well you say and yet you can't stand up? Come on!" Elaine helps Martin up and leads him to his bedroom.

Elaine is worried about her brother. Last time she had seen him so ill it was in the early spring when that event happened about which they have never since spoken a word. Martin was always strong but now he seems so weak and she wants to protect him like she promised their father.

"You stay in bed and…"

"We must search for Fiona!" Martin interrupts his sister impatiently.

"In your condition you will help nobody, Martin. Besides we don't know where she is and what she is doing. Maybe she has run away again."

"Elaine, I don't believe she has run away. In her diary she said, she wanted to finish something. It had something to do with our past, and now Fiona has vanished and may be in danger; we must find her!"

"They know you are her brother?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure they will find out our connection really fast."

"But we have no idea what happened to her. Your colleagues scanned everything in her apartment and found nothing that could help. Why she didn't speak with us?"

"I don't know, Elaine. I don't know really. We should drive to her apartment. Maybe we will find something interesting. You remember when we were young and she hid messages in her teddy bear? Maybe she still doing this and left a message." Martin tells Elaine, she looks sceptical but, since she doesn't know a better way, she helps her brother to his feet.

"I will drive and you will do nothing more than sit calmly. You understand me, my little brother?"

Martin smiles weakly "Okay. Then let's go."

Sam and Danny sit in the car on the way to Martin's apartment. Now that they know he's Fiona's brother they have to interview him. They try to reach him on the telephone, but he doesn't answer.

Samantha is anxious. Martin had seen the photo; he must have known the woman was his sister. Why had he said nothing? What is Fiona hiding? Why did she change her name? There are so many questions and too few answers?

While Danny and Sam are driving to Martin's to interview him Jack is catching a flight to Washington to talk to Victor Fitzgerald. At the office Vivian is searching for Fiona's biological parents, and Martin's as well since he's her brother. Elena is interviewing Aileen McGrew again.

Danny glances from time to time at Sam as they drive and she notices it. "Why, Danny? Why has he said nothing? Doesn't he trust us?" Sam says a little bit angry.

"Perhaps, he doesn't trust us enough?" Danny suggests.

Sam shakes her head. Everything in her head is spinning and the rest of the way to Martin's they drive in silence.

Martin knows Fiona's address from the papers in the bureau and when Martin shows his FBI credentials he gets the key.

Now both siblings stand in the little apartment. The furniture is sober and unemotional.

From the corridor it goes directly into the living room and from there to the one side into the bedroom and on the other side to the bath.

They go to the bedroom. On a chest of drawers there is a brown bear with a red loop. On the red surface are little paws and the eyes of the teddy look like amber in the dim light. His coat is worn out but there is still the light golden gleam.

Elaine takes the bear and fumbles for the little bag. She finds it and pulls out a paper.

_Beloved brother, if you are reading this message then something happened. I couldn't keep the secrets any longer. I want to live, but the past won't release me. I gave an anonymous hint to the police in Lexington, Kentucky and I hope they find her._

_I love you and lovely greetings and kisses to Elaine!_

_Lia _

Martin and Elaine look at each other. If they find the corpses, it won't be long before the police discover the truth. They are afraid what will happen after that. The three siblings never told anyone about the cold February night, only one person; too deep was the fear, pain and hatred.

This incident had determined their whole life; it marked the end of their childhood and always overshadowed their luck. The siblings aren't free. They are always haunted by the past which they could not forget. They created an apparently whole new world, but now it seemed to be breaking up with Fiona's disappearance. Fiona is right to face the past, but do they have the strength to do it?

When Sam and Danny arrive at Martin's apartment, it begins to rain. They hurry inside out of the rain, go upstairs and ring, but nobody opens the door. Danny is anxious and punches his fist into the wall. Martin is a mystery, so inseparably and enigmatic. That was ridiculous!

Sam nudges Danny with her elbow gently and he turns around. In the doorway on the right side stood a small boy, not older than five years and Sam goes towards him.

"Hello, I'm Samantha. Maybe you know my friend Martin? He lives in the apartment across the other side of your home."

Frightened the boy turns and run toward his mother.

"Sorry to disturb you, I'm Agent Spade and this is Agent Taylor. We are searching for our colleague, Martin Fitzgerald."

"Yes, I know him." The young woman says, now with her son in her arms "He left an hour ago with a woman."

"A woman? What does she looks like?" Danny asks her.

"I saw only the back of the woman, her hair seemed red-blond and wavy. They both were very familiar with each other, but not like a couple. I have never seen her before. Sorry, but I have to go and visit my mother."

"No problem, thank you for the information." Sam says to the woman and sighs. It could be problematic if Martin is searching for Fiona on his own. They really must speak with him, this case is really mysterious.

**Washington, home of Victor and Melinda Fitzgerald**

"Sorry to disturb you Victor, but…"

"What do you want, Jack? My wife is ill and I must care for her!" Victor Fitzgerald complains to Jack.

"I want to talk to you about the adoption of your daughter Fiona. You know something about her parents?"

"That's none of your business. You need to create more?"

Jack was trying to be friendly but Victor was quickly getting on his nerves.

"You don't know that Fiona has disappeared? Didn't Martin say anything?" he asked Victor.

At these words Victor looks directly in Jack's eyes. There is unbelief, unease and something more that Jack couldn't interpret.

"What? Fiona has disappeared? Martin told me nothing. We haven't spoken for two weeks. You have asked him about Fiona?" he asks concerned.

"No, we haven't interviewed him. Sam and Danny wanted to ask him about Fiona, but it seems that he left with a woman with red-blond curled hair." Jack says. He was grateful that Sam and Danny had called him with that update before he reached Victor's home.

"Red-blond? That could be Elaine, his sister. But what she's doing in New York? Please, wait a minute; I'll call her at home." Victor turned around and goes to the adjacent room.

Jack has a look into the room. There is a heavy oak desk, black leather chair and from the floor to the ceiling are bookcases. Someone behind him clears their throat and forces Jack to turn around.

In the door stands an older black woman with a strong stature and a friendly face.

"Can I offer you something, coffee, tea or water, sir?" she asks him in a friendly tone.

"No, thank you. Have you worked for Victor Fitzgerald for a long time, Mrs…?"

She nods "Mrs. Morris and yes, I have worked in this house for over 30 years."

"Then you know Fiona or I should better say Seneana Laoghaire."

"Martin and Elaine always called her Lia, it was her nickname. Fiona was a very pretty child, but she could become furious, sometimes. Because of her handicap she was often teased by the other children. Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald didn't care much about the children. So it was up to Martin and Elaine to practice her speech, the expression, to do homework and so on. They were also the ones who took care of Fiona when she woke up crying out of a nightmare, and they helped her when she was so depressed that her life didn't matter.

Elaine, Fiona and Martin aren't the biological children of Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald, but they put the children up and took care of them. Materially there was no lack, but they needed love."

"What do mean with the fact that…" Jack couldn't continue the sentence, because Victor Fitzgerald stepped into the room at that moment and Mrs. Morris goes out of the room.

"Quentin, her husband said that she flew to New York two days ago. Probably she wanted to meet with Martin, but he didn't know more." Victor said.

"Okay. One question: was Fiona the only child you have adopted?"

Victor looks suspicious at him. "What makes you think that?"

"Please answer my question. We'll figure it out eventually, but it would be easier if you speak with me!"

"We adopted Fiona, Elaine and Martin. They are siblings"

Jack is astonished about this fact, Martin never mentioned that he was adopted and Victor seems determined not to say anything about that fact.

"You know something about their past? Why did you adopt them? That would really help us." Jack says and tries hard to keep his voice neutral.

Victor is silent and looks to the ground. "Why can't you let the past rest?"

"Victor, a young woman is missing and it seems you're not really interested. She's your daughter, damn it! Can you help us or must I wait until Vivian gets the court order to see the documents?"

After a short break Victor begins "I and my sister Bonnie had a younger sister, named Siobhan. She is the mother of Elaine, Martin and Fiona and …"

"And? Who is the father? What happened to him and your sister?"

"I don't know much about her husband. His name was Alexander Arthur Cedric Chatterley. He came from Great Britain. I don't know anything about his family. The only thing he had from his family was an old chain. When he died, Martin got the chain." Victor said.

"How did he die?"

"Alexander was buying food when he was hit by a bullet and he died at the accident scene. Siobhan didn't get along well with the loss of her husband and she neglected the children."

Jack looked up from his notepad "What do you mean by neglect?" he asks carefully.

"The children were left alone for more than three days. She didn't feed them and then one day she disappeared. We never saw her again. We were searching for her for over two years but there were no hints where she could be. Melinda and I decided to take the children with us and offer them a solid surrounding." Victor is interrupted by a cry.

"Sorry Jack, but I must look after my wife." Victor says and goes out of the door before Jack had a second to respond.

Immediately Mrs. Morris returns and led him from the room.

"I hear you're searching for Fiona?" Mrs. Morris begins the discussion

"That's right. Mrs. Morris, do you remember the time when the kids arrived?"

"That was something I'll never forget. They were really withdrawn and reserved and trusted nobody. It was a long time before they could trust somebody. I remember that Martin didn't speak one word. Day in, day out he sat in his room and never spoke. It seemed that Fiona couldn't understand that and became furious. She cried and raved. Nobody could calm her down, except Martin.

The children had a very close relationship. They were often alone andhad to take care of themselves, especially when Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald travelled around the country. I don't know, but I had always the feeling that they hid something and didn't want it to come out. They seemed afraid of someone or something and I wished I could help them." She finishes.

Jack remembers that there are photos.

"Perhaps you know the two on the photo?" he asks and shows Mrs. Morris the picture of a young man who carried a little boy on his broad shoulders.

"Of course, that is Mr. Chatterley and Martin. The picture was taken a few months before Mr. Chatterley's death!"

As Jack steps out of the door henotices that it has become evening. He is confused about what he has heard. Martin never spoke a word about the past, but neither have they ever asked for it. He absolutely needed to speak with Martin if he was going to discover what secret the siblings had refused to talk about.


	5. Echo of memory

**That was hard work, but I hope you enjoy with chapter four!**

_**4. Chapter "echo of memory" **_

**On the next morning, MPU 8:00 o'clock **

Vivian is the first in the office the next morning when Jack enters the bullpen.

"Jack, we must talk." Vivian demands.

Jack sighs and leads the way to his office. Vivian closes the door behind them and holds a file in her right hand.

"I already got this document yesterday evening. Can you imagine what this file says?"

"Let me guess. Siobhan Chatterly is Victor's sister, she married Alexander Chatterly and Fiona is there daughter, also, they have two more children, Martin and Elaine."

"How do you know that?" Viv asks surprised.

"I spoke to Victor, he wasn't very communicative about his sister and her husband but at least he told me that."

"Was that all he said?" Jack looked Vivian carefully in the face.

"Why?" He could only ask.

"The Chatterleys had four children, but what happened to the fourth child, a girl, nobody knows." She said.

"How old was the girl when she vanished?"

"Catriona Elizabeth Hotaru Chatterley disappeared in 1981 at the age of nine years. Exactly the time Siobhan also disappeared."

Jack was puzzled by this fact "Wait a minute Vivian. When she was nine years old in 1981, today she would be 35 years old, as old as Martin." He murmured.

Vivian answered. "She would be as old as Martin because Catriona was his twin sister. They were born on October 29th, 1972, in San Francisco. The family moved six years later to Lexington, Kentucky, where Alexander was fatally injured in a shooting. One year later Elaine, Martin and Fiona were found when they wandered around on a highway. There were no traces of Siobhan or Catriona. Also there was nothing that pointed to a crime or a kidnapping, only some blood was found, but in 1981 the DNA analysis wasn't as developed, and the authorities were only able to fix the blood-type: 0 – one of the most wide-spread blood-type."

"So it's no wonder we have never heard about it. Victor told me that Siobhan often neglected her children after the death of her husband. He didn't want to talk about his sister and her life, I had the feeling he wanted to hide something."

"Maybe she hurt herself or hurt her children. I already tried to get documents from the hospital in Lexington, but it seems that there are some problems, because they can't find the documents."

"That's really strange. It seems that somebody doesn't want that the truth to come to the surface. Keep at it, Viv."

"You know me Jack; I will keep at it until I get these documents. The others will be in the office by now. We should update them on what we know."Jack thinks about this comment and nods.

After the meeting Samantha, Danny and Elena stand at Danny's desk and look at each other. What they had heard made them thoughtful.

"Did any of you know that Martin isn't Deputy Director Fitzgerald's biological son?" Elena turns to Danny and Sam.

Both answer in the negative.

"Why hasn't he said any word about that fact?" Danny asks the two women.

"We never asked and he maybe didn't want to speak about these private things, Danny. Can't you understand why he left yesterday? How you would feel when your family secrets are revealed, especially that your mother neglected you and then disappeared with your twin sister!" Sam says.

"Yeah, you're right, Sam, but he should have spoke with us when he saw the photo of his sister. Nevertheless it would be interesting to find out whose blood that is and what Martin knows. Maybe he doesn't want to talk with us because there is something he wants to hide. If Mrs. Morris is telling says the truth about Fiona's nightmares, she knows something as well. Before she disappeared she was maybe confronted with the events in her past and now she can't deal with it." Danny speculates.

"I don't know Danny. We should talk with Martin." Elena says.

"But Martin isn't available." and Danny storms out.

Elena and Sam look helplessly at each other.

**Martin's apartment, 10:00 o'clock**

After the discovery of Fiona's message, they went back to Martin's apartment. Elaine sent her brother directly to bed and when she entered his bedroom a few minutes later, Martin was already deeply and firmly asleep. Elaine made herself comfortable on the couch; she didn't want to leave her brother alone.

On the next morning Elaine awokefirst and on tiptoes checked on Martin. He is still warm, but he feels better than yesterday. Relieved she goes into the kitchen and begins to make breakfast, but Fiona is haunting her. Her sister doesn't like coffee and always drinks tea in the morning.

"You're dreaming about Quentin?" a voice behind Elaine asks.

She turns and Martin stands in the door.

"Do you feel better?" she only sighs. It was senseless to dictate something to Martin. He had been stubborn since he was a child.

"The fever is falling. You're trying to change the subject?" he smiles.

"I thought of Fiona. She liked her tea always with milk but without sugar. You know, we don't know anything what happened to her in the last years. What she has done; has she thought of us?"

A shadow lay over his handsome face and Elaine immediately wants to take back her question.

"Of course she thought of us, she was worried about us. She is our sister, we have gone through these bad times and we live. She cannot change that like her name."

And then there is a memory in Martin's mind

_He has the feeling that fingers are around his neck. He cannot breathe. Where are you, Catriona?_

_You are my twin, my second half!_

_If he holds his breath, he must never say a word about the happenings in the past._

_Then he sucks the air around him and closes his eyes so firmly, that no more light penetrates through his eyelids. Everything becomes black, but the pictures in his head are still there. He cannot stop it._

"_Cait, stay with me" he wants to cry. But nothing comes out of his mouth. _

"You believe she is okay? I'm so worried about her. I don't want to lose her that would be hardly bearable!" Elaine pulls Martin out of his memory.

He goes to Elaine and gives her a huge "I hope she is okay. You must believe it."

Victor sits in the airplane on the way to New York. Jack's information had made him nervous. Hardly anyone knows that he has a second sister and there is no need that the whole world finds it out.

He remembers the time when he saw Siobhan's children after she vanished; it was obvious that they had been neglected. It seems to him like yesterday when the three children sat in the sickroom.

_Victor is nervous. The hospital called him because the children of his sister Siobhan had been found on a highway. He hasn't spoken with his sister since one year ago and now she was disappeared._

_He breaths deeply and opens the door. The oldest child, Elaine looks up. She is similar to Siobhan with her red-blond hair and her freckles. In her eyes is fear and something more he couldn't interpret._

_The youngest child doesn't pay attention to him and plays with bricks. The boy takes a look at him, but it seems he really doesn't look at him. There is no expression in his eyes, only emptiness and loneliness and this view causes Victor unease. Martin reminds him of Alexander, the nose, the mouth and those sapphire-blue eyes, but the look in his eyes is so much like Siobhan. A goose pimple rises on his back._

_Victor had never made a secret of the fact he couldn't like Siobhan's husband. Since he came from Great Britain 14 years ago, his sister had fallen immediately in love with him._

_Siobhan was graceful, almost fragile. Her face was perfect, but like glass and everybody was frightened to cut oneself on this beautiful face. _

_Cold and porcelain, a smile which wasn't a smile and a loneliness which was hidden behind her eyes. This was Bonnie's description of their sister._

_It was an old-fashioned, oval face with a grace, regular nose, marked cheekbones and full lips, which were swung very slightly upwards in the corners of her mouth._

_Siobhan eyes were large and stood far apart that lent to her face something antique as if it would come from a time of the Madonna's on the paints of Tizian._

_Her eyes had the colour of a deep grey-blue. The most intensive had been her smile – the smile that wasn't a smile._

_It was a suspicion of a smile and everybody longed for it to become real. You were longing so much for it that you would do anything to see it only one time._

_And Alexander was successful. That's one of the reasons Victor couldn't like him. Secondly he was simply too perfect, loving husband and father and good in his job. And thirdly he spoke Japanese with the children. Why he had done this, he is English not an Asian. He would forbid speaking Japanese in his house, they were in the USA not Japan._

"_Mr. Fitzgerald?" Dr. Smith asks for him and brings him back to the present._

"_How are the children?" he turns around to the woman._

"_The two girls are physically okay, but the boy has a bad concussion and didn't say a word since they were taking to hospital. Maybe it's a shock, but I really don't know. A psychologist should check him."_

"_We'll see. When I can take them with me?" Victor only says. He doesn't want to take care of them, but his guilty conscience overwhelmed him._

"_You can take the children with you in a few days, but take special care for Martin. When you arrive at home, you should go with him to a doctor to check his concussion."_

_Victor says thanks to her and steps into the room where the children sit down._

**MPU**

Jack is on the way to the elevator, when someone shouts his name.

"Special Agent Jack Malone?" a slim man, in his 50's, with grey hair asks for him.

"Can I help you?" Jack asks.

"I believe you can do something for me. I am searching for Fiona, Elaine and Martin Chatterley."

"May I ask who you are?" Jack looks at him.

"I'm Agent Miller. I'm investigating a case in Lexington, Kentucky. We got an anonymous tip. It seems one of the three siblings sent us the information." Agent Miller explained.

"What makes you think that and what's it all about?" Jack asked confused.

"Because of this anonymous tip, we discovered two corpses in a secret hiding place in a house, six milesaway from Lexington. After some investigations we found out that Mrs. Siobhan Chatterley lived with her children in this house until she vanished. After her, nobody moved into the house."

Jack is overwhelmed. This case is going in new directions and he doesn't like it. Martin must really explain it all to him.


	6. Speak

Sorry this chapter took so long, but I had to do a lot work. So it wasn't possible to update the story earlier. But now it's finished and I hope you will like this really important chapter. Have fun and don't forgive to review!

_**5. Chapter "Speak"**_

_Vanessa sits on the bed of Ciaran. He is so cute when he sleeps, his hair stands slightly away from his head and his right arm lies bent under his head. She could not understand why his mother leaves him and his sisters alone so often. Even if her husband is dead, she has still her children._

_Tap! Tap! Tap! _

_Vanessa is frightened and looks to the window. It was only one branch of the beech tree in the front garden. The wind moves it and one of the gnarled branches touch the pane of the window. She takes a book which she had put in her bag when she was at home, before she had rushed over here to take care of the four children. She opens her book up to the page where she had stopped and begins to read, but after a few minutes her thoughts begin to swirl again and she cannot concentrate on the book. Vanessa looks at her watch. She has no idea why she is so restless. Again and again she looks to the window as if expecting the noise to begin again, but there is no sound and she turns to her book._

_The large grandfather clock begins to strike midnight. She sighs and leans back in her great pillow. Two thousand times in this night she thinks if she forgot something. She and Robert want to go to New York tonight when Mrs. Chatterley comes back. She is tired of everyone telling her that Robert isn't the right one for her. Vanessa is looking forward to getting away from her petty, overbearing parents._

_Suddenly she remembers that she forget to locked the balcony door which lead to the dining-room. Vanessa jumps off the bed and in the same moment she is certain she hears footsteps downstairs. She stops a moment thinking it is her own heart beating, but there is still another noise. It becomes louder and louder. How could there be steps there?_

"_You aren't imagining these things, Vanessa." She thought._

_Downstairs in the hall she hears the creak of the floorboards clearly. The children stay in their beds and their steps are easy and springy. But these steps are heavy and strong. Vanessa's knees are shaking when she comes closer to the first step of the staircase, then the light goes out and she is standing in darkness for outside it is cloudy and therefore it is also dark._

_Ciaran becomes awake, because someone is shaking his shoulder._

"_Ciaran, wake up. Someone is in the house; we must go to the priest hiding place (explanation at the bottom of the page). Fiona and Elaine are already there." _

_Vanessa says to him. He looks around and sees Cait who is standing beside his bed. _

_Vanessa takes both children by their hands and runs with them to the corridor. Ciaran hears a noise; someone is with them in this corridor._

Martin stops speaking as the memories in his head come so fast, his heart beats with fear and sorrow and he is overwhelmed as the memories from so long ago threaten to engulf him as if they were only yesterday. He is crushed again at the sense of sorrow, fear and loss. His head is pounding and he's getting cold. It had been the wrong decision to come to the bureau and tell Jack everything. In that moment when they entered Jack's office Martin wanted to run. Elaine persuaded him to speak with Jack and now there are here, and all he wants to do is bolt from the room.

One moment passes and then Jack begins gently.

"Ciaran, is that your real name, Martin?"

"My father gave me this as a first name. You know Catriona and I were twins, so the names should have the same initial letter, but only a few persons are allowed to call me Ciaran." He answers softly, he is cold and clammy again and his voice shakes from the emotions.

Jack nods. He had informed the team about the two bodies and that one of them is Martin's twin sister after the conversation with Agent Miller.

"Can you tell us something about Vanessa's death?" Jack asks softly but sternly, he knows Martin needs to purge this from his mind.

Elaine squeezes the hand of her brother. She wasn't there when it happened, but she had seen the room after it was all over. Martin knows that he must talk about her death so that her family can find peace, for him there would never be peace. He had decided for Fiona and against Vanessa.

"Anata no sei ja hai.(1)!" (At the end is a list of the translations) Elaine whispers as if she knows what is in his thoughts. Quietly and with several interruptions Martin describes Vanessa's cruel death.

_As Ciaran ran to the priest hiding place, Elaine comes out of the alcove, which is behind the walls. _

"_Elaine go down!!" he whispers and she nods and run downstairs._

_Ciaran creeps into the alcove to where Fiona sits. He reaches for Fiona and brings her close to his body, so that Fiona's head is resting on his chest Maybe it was too loud, because the man is looking in their direction. The children are quiet and Vanessa fights so he is quickly distracted from searching for them._

_Only one part of the partition could turn inwards when you push a special point of the wall. A small stairway leads to a secret area of the attic._

_At the top of her voice Vanessa screams, but the man ignores it and laughs coldly. _

_Ciaran sees through the small slit something sparkle over Vanessa's face. It is a long knife and to his horror it plunges towards her throat._

_Instinctive she lifts up her right arm, but it couldn't repel the attack; it only diverts the blade from the real goal and caused it to hit her in the shoulder. The blood gushes on the wall and the metallic smell causes Ciaran nausea. One last time Vanessa tries to escape but the man is too strong for her._

_Suddenly she seems to lose her will to live and her cries stop. She turns her head in the direction of Ciaran. He catches his breath. Could she see them and would she say something?_

_But there is nothing in her eyes, her eyes are open wide and there is a silent, desperate call for help in it. Tears are on her eyelashes, but Ciaran couldn't help her __and protect Fiona and Elaine._

_Ciaran tries to escape from the images which sink deep into his heart and he presses Fiona more firmly to his body. His little sister is quiet as if she knows that one noise could endanger them._

_It was too late to help their babysitter. The man reach for Vanessa's neck and put his sharp knife on her throat._

_A suffocated gasp escapes Ciaran's throat when he understands what the man wants to do._

"_No!" Vanessa whispers weakly. "Please don't!"_

_But the masked man is merciless and when the knife begins to cut in her throat Ciaran is quivering. _

Victor doesn't know what he should say. To say the least that atrocity had to be terrible and he hadn't known anything about that. His guilty conscience became even stronger. He had ignored Siobhan's call for help at that time and maybe if he hadn't he could have prevented the violent incident. They would never forget what happened in this house.

"How is it you and Elaine and Fiona escaped?"

Elaine begins to tell the story. She squeezes Martin's hand both to give him her strength as well as to share his.

_The terrible screams had stopped for more than a half hour and Elaine opens the door very carefully a gap. It is still dark, but then the front windows light up. A car door slams and music comes from a radio._

"_Vanessa? It's Robert. __I will drive away tonight. Please come with me. I love you! Tommy and Cherise want to come with us and already are waiting in the car. Have you decided, Vanessa? Vanessa, Vanessa!" A young man cries and hammers against the door._

_Elaine notices a movement upstairs. A shadow creeps nearly noiseless down the stairs and she is paralysed with fear._

_The masked man knows that the children won't make trouble for him, but now there are three teenagers outside and that would be problematic. So he decides to leave. He has what he wanted, with the glass receptacle under his left arm and the long knife in his right hand he goes to the rear exit, turns the knob and escape into the cold night._

Both Elaine and Martin don't want to say anything more but Jack needs to know what happened to Catriona.

"Martin, can you tell us what happened to Catriona?" Jack doesn't want to pressure him more than he has already been, but it is important to know what happened to Catriona. Jack can tell it is Martin and not Elaine who has the answer to this mystery but Martin continues to stare at the floor gripping Elaine's hand tightly

"I…I can't, Jack. Don't make me speak of Cait, Jack, not of Cait." Martin's voice is barely a whisper and his eyes, when he finally lifts them to face Jack, his eyes are lifeless, the horror of that day still so achingly fresh in his mind.

"Martin, tell me what happened." Jack's voice is soft but firm. He can see the sorrow and the torture in Martin's face but he has to know. He holds Martin's tortured gaze and till at last the story starts to spill.

_Vanessa __is running with Martin and Cait to the hiding place when she__ hears a noise, but she doesn't have enough time to interpret the noise. Just before the stairs which lead to the attic she runs into a wall, a living and breathing wall of muscles. Hands grab her and she tries to pull away. She fights without any thought of giving up. Suddenly the man staggers because Cait has hit him with a lamp._

"_Stop! Leave her alone!" Cait cries. Now she has his attention. The face of the man is covered with a grotesque mask._

"_You small piece of dirt!" he says hoarsely and grabs Cait._

_Ciaran wants to help his sister and punches him with his fists._

"_Dame(__2)__! Dooshite__(3)__?" _

_The man with the mask laughs, but his eyes are cold like ice and he hit Ciaran easily away. The boy crashes hard against the wall and is knocked out for a few seconds._

_With exactly the same ease he lifts up Cait and throws her over the banister but with one hand she reaches for the banister. She gets it, but she can't hold there a long time. The man turns around to Vanessa who looks back. The man put up something that is similar to a knife. Vanessa run upstairs and it seems that man was more interested in her than the children. _

_Ciaran is still a little dizzy, but then he hears his twin sister scream_.

"_Dozo tsukete kundasai(__4)__ Ciaran! __Ciaran!" she cries desperately._

_Ciaran crawls slowly to her, his head aches so much and he fights not to break down. Only a few meters separate him from his twin sister, but she couldn't hold any longer and falls into the darkness. A thud follows and then Ciaran hears the scream. A terrible, penetrating scream, a bloodcurdling scream which becomes even louder, until it sounds like a scream of a pained animal, an animal in the throes of death. _

When Martin tells of his twin's death he feels his heart breaking again. He can't take any more of this, all the dreams, the sounds, the smells have all returned from where he had safely hidden them away. He feels weak, old and tired and only wants to close his eyes to sleep hoping to forget everything. But he will never forget. In that night his life has been destroyed irrevocably.

"We found this note." Elaine says and gives Jack the note. She feels that Martin isn't well and want to steer the conversation around to Fiona.

"Why you didn't you show it to me earlier?" Jack asks.

Elaine ignores his question and continues, "She has written that she wants to finish something and…"

"And you both believe she found and wants to kill the murderer of Vanessa and Cait. I thought she never saw his face, doesn't know who and where he is!"

"She has seen his face." Martin says in a broken and lifeless whisper.

_The man had removed the mask. When he put the head into the glass receptacle there is this bad acrid smell._

_A candle throws a dim light on his face and you could see his features. It is not easy to say how old he is because his face is worn-out and his eyelids are arched about his protruded eyes. The look in his eyes shows his madness, his nose is run through with thick veins, his lips are wet and red and his tongue moves uncontrollably in his mouth._

"Dad, you know his face from my picture!"

Victor thinks a moment "That man you drew when you drew your idea of hell. You could never forget Martin and he was, for you, evil!"

As Martin gives a small nod of confirmation Victor adds, "When she kills him, she must go to prison."

"Of course, you think I want to see her in such a situation. But I'm sure that Vanessa wasn't his first victim. That man deserves death, he caused Catriona's death!" Martin says angrily.

"God Martin, don't say that."

"Don't say that, father?" Martin says scornful "you ignored Siobhan's call for help and we moved to this house. Cait could be alive, but you wanted to show Siobhan you never forgave her that she married my father. You're surprised that I know that and your guilty conscience. You should have hidden the letter better that you wrote Bonnie. You and Mom are to blame for it. I have hated you both!" he shouts as he stands up ripping his hand from Elaine's.

"Martin! Calm down." Jack says with a firm voice

"You have no idea how it was to see what he had done with Vanessa and Cait. Our new parents were more interested in their work than caring for us. I can't take anymore." Martin all but ran from the office. He didn't care where he went and without knowing it found sanctuary in the men's room.

He leaned against the wall and then slowly sinks to the floor, puts his head on his knees and wraps his arms around his legs, he feels cold and empty and…nothing. Needing to feel something he clenches his right hand in a fist and squeezes so tight that his fingernails dig into his hand causing it to bleed.

"Martin?" a voice asks. Martin doesn't look up, but Danny is sure that he has heard him and sits down next to him.

"Martin, I don't know exactly what happened, but I know how hard it is to lose someone you love. When my parents died I took the blame on me. I thought I was responsible for the death of them. If I didn't defend my Mom against my father, he would never have turn around and lost control of the car.

You think you could have saved Cait and Vanessa, but you were a child. There was no chance to save them, especially for you. But you protected Elaine and Fiona, without your help and courage they maybe wouldn't have survived.

"But, maybe if I had only..." Martin begins only to be interrupted by Danny.

If you had only what, taken better care of them? That wasn't your responsibility to take care of your sisters, you were a child, your mother wasn't there when you needed her, Martin. It was not your fault, believe me when I say that, Martin, it was not your fault."

Martin tries to suppress his tears, but it has been too much these last days and weeks; Danny is his friend and he can trust him.

"Watashi wo koroshinasai(5)! Deguchi ga – mienai…(6)" Martin whispers

"Martin, what have you said? I don't understand it." Danny sees Martin's fist clenched so tightly; he sees the blood trickling from his friend's hand.

"I have said "Please kill me. A way out is not … to see!" Martin squeezes his eyes tight and knocks his head back against the wall and continues to cut into his hand with his fingernails as if relishing the sensation of pain.

"Things will turn out well, please trust me." Danny says gently and loosens Martin's hand, working Martin's fingers away from his palm.

As Martin knocks his head back against the wall again Danny embraces his friend both to stop him from hurting himself as well as to protect him from further pain. Martin resists but the tears that have been threatening and the pain he has been holding within break free and with shame as well as abandon he begins to cry.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Explanation and Translation**

Priest Hiding Place: Under the reign of Karl I (king of Great Britain) there was the time of the religious war. His wife Henrietta was Catholic and the parliament disapproved her. The delegates of the parliament wanted to build up hatred against the Catholics to offset the people against the king.

1642 the conflict came to a head between King Karl I and the parliament. And when the influence of the parliament grow the Catholics were hunted. The civil war began. Families build priest hiding places, where a priest could hid. But it was also used to hid Catholics, money and etc.

Translations 

I'm not sure if this following sentences are all right, I'm only a student in Japanese. (But this should be more or less right)

1 Anata no sei ja hai - You are not to blame for it.

2 Dame! - Stop!

3 Dooshite? - Why?

4 Dozo tsukete kundasai - Call for help

5 Watashi wo koroshinasai! - Please kill me!

6 Deguchi ga - mienai... - A way out is not... to see...

**This was the fifth chapter and I hope you liked it. In the next weeks I can't write (I really want), because I have to do some tests. But I will definitely write on when the tests are over. So please be patient.**


	7. Afraid of the dark?

_**Here is the new chapter. Sorry for waiting, but my tests and a illness weren't good for writing. **_

_**But now I'm lucky to update. Please, enjoy!**_

_**BTW**_

_**Thank you **__**reen212000**__** and stephell!**_

**_---------------------------------------------------------_**

_**Chapter 6 "Afraid of the dark?" **_

Martin and Elaine were on their way to the elevator, when a young woman met them. She looks a bit uncertainly at them and at the sheet in her hand and hesitates again; finally she walks towards the two siblings.

"Aehm, my name is Aileen... Are you Martin Fitzgerald?"

"Yes, but I do not have time." Martin answers and wants to go, but the woman held him back her hand gripping his arm.

"I have a message from Fiona. She is your sister, no?"

Martin turns around and stares at Aileen.

"You know where Fiona is? Where is she, tell us!" he demands.

"She asked me to give you this." Aileen says and gives Martin a small brown envelope.

He takes it with trembling hands, turns to Elaine and look into her eyes. Silently he opens it, inside is a photo and a note with an address.

Martin's heart stands still when he has a look at the photo. Although the quality is poor he knows the features of that face too well. Martin sways slightly and Elaine supports him as she also looks at the photo and fears something terrible is to come.

Aileen McGrew feels a bit uncomfortable and doesn't know if she should say something. She has no idea what's in the envelope, but when both siblings react so visibly distraught she knows it must bode ill, curiosity overcomes her and she glances quickly at the address and frowns.

"Can I do something for you?" she asks Martin.

"No, thanks. We must go." Elaine murmurs and gently pushes her brother towards the elevator.

------------------------------------------

Samantha stands up from her desk wanting a cup of coffee. When she leaves the office, she sees that Martin and his sister speaking with a young woman and sees the exchange of the envelope. Even from her distance, Sam can see something is wrong as Elaine pushes Martin into the elevator. Concerned, Sam hurries to the confused woman.

"Hello, I'm Agent Spade, can I help you?"

"I don't know. I spoke with an Agent Delgado who asked me to let her know when Fiona contacts me." Aileen looks guilty. "She was at my home a few hours ago and I promised her only to speak with her brother. She explained where he works and gave me a photo."

"When you spoke with Martin and Elaine you handed something to them, what was that?" Sam asks her.

"I honestly don't know the importance of it. It was a photo and an address." Aileen says.

"Do you remember that address?" Sam is sure that it is important. If they are right and Fiona is trying to catch the murderer of her sister and Martin and Elaine try to help her, it may destroy all their lives.

"Oh, Riverside Drive, number 890 or so in New York. It's borderland, probably Harlem." Aileen answers.

---------------------------------

During the ride Martin stares out of the window. The trees and houses flew by as Elaine drives hard and fast, both of them are concerned about their younger sister more so since receiving the letter. Elaine turns left into the Riverside Drive and slows as they are search for the right number. And then their eyes fall on the house with the number 390. It is an old Beaux-art-villa with an entrance which is carried by columns. The house is set back from the street on plot of land near the river. Both siblings get out of the car and go to the door. There is no doorbell and the windows on the first floor are boarded up. It is the ideal place for a murder.

Martin tries to open the front door and it swings open slightly.

"You stay here, Elaine. I will go alone."

"How will you manage it? If he's there, you have no chance against him."

"No, Elaine. You will wait. He has to pay for what he has done and I don't want that you see that. Promise me you will stay?" Martin looks in Elaine's tear filled eyes.

Elaine nods and whispers "I promise."

Martin carefully enters the house and walks through the great hall. There are old showcases with rusty swords, spears and other curiosities.

"Ah, how nice that you came, are we all enjoying a reunion? Come here!" a cold voice demands from above him.

Martin looks upwards and sees on the staircase the man that has haunted his dreams for so long. His eyes are dark and have a sinister glint. He holds a gun in his hand pointed at Fiona's head, both are standing at the edge of the first floor and there is no banister.

"I'm sorry." she whispers nearly lifeless.

Slowly almost resignedly Martin climbs the stairs toward them. "What should I call you?"

"Call me Doc. I should have known you and your sisters would cause problems. I should kill you like your sweet nanny."

"What have you done with her?"

"I believe you know what happened, do you miss her, would you like to see her? Go first!" the man screams.

With his gun he points to an open door.

Martin steps into the room which is lit up with lamps all over the room. On the ground are lying brown curls and Doc's mouth escapes a nasty laugh.

"There she is." Doc shows with his finger to a shelf to the right. Slowly Martin turns his head in the direction of Doc's finger. At the same time everything in his heart cries to escape. He stares at the glass receptacles which are standing on shelves and at the first moment he can't understand what he sees. He only sees moving shadows in some liquid. Martin looks around further and sees that's always the same type of woman. Young, not older than 25 years old, curly brown hair and full lips. On the desk is an empty glass receptacle as if it's waiting for the next victim.

"You sick bastard!" Martin shouts and lunges for the gun. Doc is agile and springs aside knocking Martin to the ground with the gun, stunned, Martin falls like a rock to the floor.

"Martin!" Fiona screams wanting to help him. She frees herself and runs towards him, but before she can reach her brother, hands are reaching for her. Fiona tries to escape Doc's clutches and they struggle furiously neither aware of how close they are coming to the ledge where there is no banister. Fiona manages to duck out of Doc's grasp and takes a step back only there is no floor for her to stand on. Falling through the air she flails her arms and catches the edge of the floor boards. Above her Doc looks down at her, his eyes cold and lifeless, his menacing smile flashes through her mind and all she can think of is Cait, this is what it was like for Cait.

Doc's smile abruptly disappears and a look of surprise takes its place. He whirls from Fiona and looks back to where Martin should be, only nobody is there.

-------------------------------------------

When Fiona was fighting with Doc, Martin dazedly crept further into the room and stumbled behind an old desk.

"Where are you, little boy?" Doc's voice filled the room, Martin was desperately trying to clear his vision and focus, he struggled with the present and the past, was this real, was that Fiona in trouble or Cait? Doc's voice continued to taunt him coming closer. "Are you afraid I'm waiting for you or will your sister die like 27 years ago?" Doc approaches the wooden desk raising the gun. He's not prepared for Martin to jump up and slam into him, the gun falls to the ground and both are fighting to reach it. Then Doc's hands close around Martin's neck. His vision blurs and it becomes more and more difficult for him to focus at one point.

"Martin, help me! I will fall!" Fiona cries. Martin's confusion clears for a moment and he struggles against the hands gripping around his throat, he looks towards Fiona's voice at the same time his eyes tell him that its Cait in danger, he flashes back to that icy cold March night so many years ago.

"_Dozo tsukete kundasai. __Ciaran! Ciaran!" she cries desperately. _

_Martin sees in her bright blue eyes, which are the same colour as his. Wild panic and fear shone in her eyes and Ciaran tries to creep faster to her and then Cait released her hands. In her eyes is no more panic, but the love she always felt for her other half and as if she knew that there would be no more rescue for her. Then she fell into the dark depth and Martin heard the crash._

"Martin, I can't hold on any more! Martin!" a voice cries.

His vision clears and he sees Fiona and not Cait. His confusion disappears and he gathers his strength and determination into one blow and slams Doc's abdomen with his knee. The man rolls away from him so that Martin is able to rush to Fiona. The moment Fiona looses her grip is the same instant that Martin's hands grip her wrists securely and he pulls her to safety.

Gripping her briefly in a hug he then pushes her away, "Run downstairs, Fiona. Elaine is waiting outside. Run fast and trust me … Lia."

She nods and hugs him shortly before she runs downstairs. When Martin turns, there is a bang and the light goes out.

"Are you afraid of the dark? Come out, come out wherever you are!" a sneering voice taunts.

Martin stays quiet. Fight! The darkness is on your side, it's your friend, not your enemy! He thinks over and over.

Slowly he gropes along the wall as he wants to find the staircase, but suddenly a shadow appears in front of him and Martin gets out of the way when an arm tries to hit him.

"You can't escape me! You have no chance! You are too stupid!" Doc laughs.

Martin suddenly feels that hatred. It burns like a fire deep in his heart. He cannot live with this murderer alive. Martin throws himself against Doc and the man stumbles. He tries to recover his balance, but there is nothing to hold on to. In his panic he reaches for the FBI agent. Martin tries to evade his seeking grip and almost manages it, but it's too late and both men fall with a cry into the depth below.

-------------------------------------------

Elaine and Fiona hear one shrill cry and a loud noise inside the house. Both run back to the entrance hall. On the wooden floor they see their brother lying silent and motionless, eyes closed. Fiona hurries immediately to his side. Elaine looks around searching after the murderer. Doc is speared through the chest from a spear in an old showcase. His eyes stare glassily toward the sky and blood drips from his chest to the ground

"Martin, wake up! Please open your eyes." Fiona cries as she kneels beside her brother.

Elaine kneels to the other side of her brother. She tries to suppress her tears, but she can't and soon they run down her cheeks. This scene reminds her so strongly of the time when Cait died. The two sisters hear the approaching sirens, but it seems too late.

Martin doesn't feel the impact with the floor, but he is aware that everything becomes dark but then he is able to see Elaine and Fiona who bend over him with tears in their eyes.

He wants to tell his sisters it's not necessary to cry but no word come out of his mouth. He begins to feel as if he is not getting enough air to breathe and everything goes dark.


	8. The burdens which you're not to carry

_**This time I was really fast with the new chapter. **_

_**Martin is able to say to good bye to his twin sister and I hope you'll like it. **_

_**Now enjoy with Chapter 7!**_

-------------------------------

_**Chapter 7 "The burdens which you are not to carry"**_

----------------------------------------------------

_The boy kneels beside the lifeless body. His hand touches the face tenderly and traces the lines of her beautiful face. Ciaran strokes her dark hair out of her face. It is cold in the house, but the boy doesn't notice anything. Inside he is deaf and unable to feel anything._

"_Stand up, Cait. You must be cold and we need to find Mom." he whispers._

"_Ciaran!" It is his older sister's voice. She pulls him to his feet. Ciaran knows this has been a bad fall. Cait will be fine, he tells himself again. She'll be fine._

_Elaine loads her on a blanket._

"_Be careful, you'll hurt her!" Martin screams and steps back._

"_Ciaran, she is…" his sister begins, but the boy has broken free of his paralysis and steps toward his sister._

"_I'm here, Cait," he whispers. "Don't worry."_

_Catriona's face is quiet and tranquil, as if she understood. Ciaran softly touches his sister's cheek. Why is she still unconscious? Why doesn't she open her eyes and smile at him and say: Everything is okay. Don't be worried._

"_She is dead, Ciaran. She will never come back … like Vanessa." Elaine says with a choked voice and burst out into tears._

_But her little brother becomes quiet and lays down near his twin sister Cait so that he could look into her face. Their noses are only centimetres away from each other. On Cait's eyelashes are still tears and as if Ciaran wants to comfort his sister he takes her hand. Then he closes his eyes and fall into a restless sleep. He dreams about angels who bring his sister to his father._

_---------------------------------_

_He wakes up when his older sister gently touches his shoulder and opens his eyes. His eyes directly look into the porcelain face of his sister, there is no warm breath. This is the moment Ciaran realizes that his twin sister is dead; he rises and goes to the window. For a time no words are spoken and then he speaks. _

"_She always liked to see the landscape from the attic, especially now in the winter when snow covers the extended fields and gardens. Do you think Cait would like it to be at the top and look out to see the blossom gardens?"_

_The girl is silent for a short time; then she smiles. "She would like that very much. Shall we bring her to the attic?"_

_The boy nods and together they carry the fragile body upstairs. When they enter into the second part of the attic the children avoid looking at Vanessa's body. Instead they concentrate that Cait is positioned comfortably in a big armchair so that their sister has a good look at the out of doors. As if the boy just remembered that he forgot something he ran downstairs suddenly to the room he shared with his twin sister. On each of the beds sits a teddy bear, one had a wine-red loop, the other one a navy blue. Ciaran takes the teddy with the navy blue and runs back up to the attic. One last time he goes to his sister and whispers something in her ear and kisses her cold cheek. He puts the teddy in her left arm, so she has something which reminds her of her twin. Afterwards both siblings close the first door and let down the tapestry before they lock the door of the rest of the attic._

_------------------_

_A few days later the three children walk on a highway in thick jackets. A car stops, the driver asks the three where their parents are and in which direction they are walking, but the kids don't answer any of her questions and continue on. The smallest and youngest child holds a teddy with a red loop in her arms. Elaine and Martin had decided never again to speak a word about the happenings in the house and that their mother left her children alone at the time when they need her most._

----------------------------------------------

------------------------------

Martin is in a large garden. He looks around, but he can see nobody, so he begins to walk on a small path, the path is soft and springy. The last thing he remembers is falling with Doc from the staircase into the depths below. Is he dead, perhaps, but that doesn't seem to hold his interest. He comes to a gate where a heavy ivy curtain hangs. Martin pushes it away and enters the next garden. The high stone walls are nearly covered with ramblers which are tangled and intertwined. Some trees are covered with ivy and tangles of overgrowth that seem to blow with the light breeze back and forth, almost like a curtain.

Martin moves slowly and treads softly as if he fears his footsteps will wake someone. His walk is noiseless on the grass as he heads towards a swing, built out of rose branches, which hangs between the trees.

When he comes to a summerhouse, Martin stops. He sees an armchair with pillows and sits down.

"Ciaran? Are you okay? I was so worried."

Martin looks around, but there is nobody in this garden, but at the same time he feels a comforting warmth steal over him, and he nestles back into the pillows, feeling better.

_Cait._

"I know it's been rough, but it will get better, you will see. There is still so much for you do to."

Suddenly Martin sees her, his twin sister sits under a cherry tree, which is snow white, full of blossoms and humming bees. He stands up and walks to her under the flowering plum-trees, flowering apple trees with white and reddish blooms. Some of them are in full bloom as if in competition with on another.

"Cait, you are …."

"That is not important, Ciaran. Come here, we will take a walk." Cait says, reaching her hand out to Martin who takes it wondering at the touch of her.

"Is this even real?"

"It is so real like the dreams of the angels after my death, Ciaran. You have dreamed about angels. You have dreamed you are one of them. You thought if you had a chance to change you would give everything in order to fly, to be in a wonderland. You would give simply everything. Because you are allowed as an angel to visit the dead people, you could surprise me or Pa, so much would be possible.

Simply everything … everything."

"God Cait. I have missed you so much. You shouldn't be gone, not this way. We couldn't say good-bye to you. But there were times after the years had passed I couldn't remember under which of your shoulder blades lay your crescent-shaped birthmark, I forgot the way you smiled even the sound of your voice and your scent."

"You have never lost me. We shared the belly of our mother more than nine months. You can't lose me! You cannot give up, sweetie, not now. Promise me you won't give up. Promise me you will trust yourself. Do you hear me, Ciaran? Promise me that!"

Martin nods silently, but his eyes are filled with tears. Cait hugs her brother.

"Don't weep over me. If you miss me sometimes look into the sky, which is always open and honest. Send him your dreams and hopes, say what you want to say to me and I will answer you. I will always love you and I will always have faith in you. Let our sisters and your friends help you. Besides you are needed in a way you can't imagine." She smiles.

Cait close her eyes and send a picture to her brother. Martin opens his eyes surprisingly and stares at her. His twin sister laughs and it is balm for his broken heart. Cait lifts her hand and gently strokes away the tears. In the next moment she kisses him on his cheek and Martin feels himself becoming groggy and then slipping blessedly into sleep, before he succumbs fully, he mumbles, "I promise, I promise, Cait. I won't let you down."

---------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------

Elaine sits at Martin's bed; she has barely left him since he was brought in, once to shower and change and then she was back at Martin's side in his hospital room and the second time she left was to bring Fiona to the hospital. Fiona blamed herself that she brought her beloved brother into such danger that resulted in such a situation. Because of her he lay in the hospital bed and no one would give assurance with any certainty that he would ever wake up, so Fiona stayed away.

One morning Elaine stood before her door, Fiona wanted to say she had no time, but the steely look of her older sister forced her to let Elaine in.

"Fiona, why don't you visit Martin in the hospital? Damn, what's wrong with you?" Elaine asks as she walks into the living room, but her younger sister is silent.

Elaine softens at her sister's stricken look, sits down beside Fiona, takes her hand and speaks quietly.

"You have not to blame for it. You couldn't do anything, he was mad."

"I gave Martin the address. I cannot -- I cannot take anymore. What if he never wakes up? What if he dies like this? Besides if I had not hidden in the priest's

hiding place he would not had seen what happened to Vanessa." Sobbing, Fiona collapses against Elaine. Her sister embraces her and strokes her gently over her hair. Elaine holds tight to her younger sister for a while.

"You know, if I wasn't such a coward in the attic and left you alone in that alcove, maybe all this stuff would never happen. It's all incomprehensible…" Elaine couldn't speak on. A crying fit overwhelmed her and both sisters sat crying on the couch. After a while they regained their composure and break off the embrace. Elaine pulls out a handkerchief from her bag and dries her tears as well as her sister's.

"Shall we divide the guilt, older sister?" Fiona laughs and promptly begins to hiccup. Now Elaine begins to laughs as well.

"Okay. We'll do it." she answers the question. Then there is silence until Elaine break through the silence.

"I wanted to comfort and help you, but unfortunately I'm not good at doing this, I also began to cry."

"How could you not?" Fiona answers "You mourn as I mourn as we all mourn and I only hope that now we can begin to get over the events in the past."

"You'll come with me to the hospital." Elaine says rather than asks but her voice is halting and unsure and suddenly sounds old and exhausted. Without a warning Fiona jumps up.

"Of course I will walk with you." She says and run to the door, because she couldn't wait any longer.

---------------------------------------------------

"It's a good sign that there's been no change," Dr. Fowler had told the two sisters earlier. "His blood pressure has remained stable, and both his heart and brain functions look great. Let's just wait for him to wake up."

So they had been waiting.

It is in the middle of the night that Fiona and Elaine stay at Martin's side. Elaine is asleep on her chair despite the discomfort of the position. However Fiona has chosen to rest her head at the side of the bed and holds Martin's hand during her light sleep. Both don't notice the easy flutter of the eyelids. Then Martin opens his eyes and blinks a few times. He doesn't know where he was, but he feels a light, warm pressure on his hand.

--------------------

"Fiona?" The quiet voice, so beloved, so familiar is so shocking to hear. She gasps when she realizes Martin's eyes are open, and he is smiling sleepily at her.

"Martin – oh, thank God you're awake! I've been scared to death," she whispers. "I've been so worried about you."

Slowly Martin raises one hand, still with a tube in an arm, and brushes his pale fingertips against Fiona's soft cheek.

Then Elaine wakes up as well, at first she is confused, but when she sees Fiona's happy face she understands.

"Martin!" she shouts unable to control her joy.

Both sisters bend over Martin.

"How do you feel? Are you in pain? Do you need something?" both ask.

"No…" Martin tries to speak, but his throat is dry. Elaine notices and gives him some water.

"What happened to …?"

"He is dead. He will never torture us anymore." Fiona speaks quietly.

Martin doesn't answer, but closes his eyes. He is relieved when he hears that, slowly he turns onto his left side.

"What happened? I only remember that we were both falling."

"Doc was speared through the chest from a spear in one of the old showcases in the villa. He died immediately. They said you had enormous luck in that you didn't fall onto the spears as well. The doctor was worried about your head wound and after two days you developed a fever. Doctor Fowler found out you had an infection and your condition was critical, but now you are awake again and this is a very good sign."

Both sisters smiled happily, but Martin wasn't happy. Inside he feels empty, he can't shake the feeling of utter desolation. He wants to give up and hide away, but he can't; Martin begins to give up hope. The dream he had of Cait shocked him and doesn't know what to do. Inside there is a feeling like ice, he wants to forget, but he knows he will never forget. His sister will never come back and he has the feeling that a part of him is missing. He is cold and begins to cry.

"I don't want to be strong anymore. I don't want to disown Cait or our real parents. I'm tired of being careful of each word that I say, being careful not to tell too much, it hurts so much, I can't do it anymore."

His sisters are worried and embrace him. Elaine is warm at his back and her head is lying on his shoulder. Fiona curls up into a ball in front of Martin. With this Martin warms up, he feels warm and protected. He closes his eyes and drifts off into a blessed sleep.

----------------------------

------------------

One week later, Martin is ready to go, feeling much more like himself. The doctors had determined that he would have no lasting damage to his brain from the crash to the wooden floor and his infection.

His colleagues had visited him a few times, but were very careful what they said, but it was a good feeling to know that they cared for him. But the only thing Martin wanted to do was bury his beloved twin sister beside their father.

When Martin stepped out of the hospital his sisters, Sam and Danny are waiting for him. They spoke for a few minutes when Martin's attention was captured by an older woman walking towards him. The way she walked, the way her lower lip was pushed forward as if in distress caught his eye and held him memory and then her face. So often in his childhood he had look up into that perfect oval, porcelain face, the lips which swung very slightly upwards at the corners of her mouth. Martin was frozen in his movements. The others noticed the stiffening of his posture and saw the woman he was staring at who was heading towards them.

Then she stopped and stood in front of him.

"Hello, Martin." Siobhan says.


	9. Wellbeing of the soul

_**Chapter 9 „The sky will hold you" **_

-------------------

Say something true

And see like the desert lives

Manage a little bit clearness

And see like the haze raise

A desert of concrete and asphalt

But it lives and opens a gap

Which shows you something new, shows that old gives away

Even if your pain reach up to the sky

"And when a song" – Söhne Mannheims*#

-------------------

Two days later Martin bent his head, staring at the gaping hole in the ground. After the discovery of Cait's body there was the question where she should find her eternal rest. For the siblings it was clear that she should rest in the place she loved. They decided to bury her body in Kentucky. Cait should smell the famous Kentucky blue grass in spring and see the foals.

There are more people than Martin had imagined that came to pay their respects. Victor, his wife and her biological daughter with her husband and child, his uncle Roger with his two daughter's.

Also Marcus and Linda are there, where the three siblings live during their stay, and a lot of people he doesn't know. Elaine stands beside Quentin, her two daughters and her little son. Fiona is at Martin's side her arm linked with his.

The day is bright and pretty. The warm sun spilling yellow light everywhere and the air is crisp and clean from the rain day before. The black clothing of the mourners is out of place against the emerald grass and sapphire sky.

Cait can't not be seeing this lovely day. We can't be in this cemetery, saying good-by to her like this. Martin mourns inwardly hoping somewhere his precious sister is looking on at this beautiful day.

Martin squeezes his eyes shut. Nothing about the day felt real. He couldn't believe he would feel ever so much pain, like Cait's death years ago and today, all he feels is a dull, hollow ache.

"Some of us think we'll see Caitrona in heaven," the minister says. "Others will see her every day for the rest of their lives, in their memories."

Martin glances around at the mourners. He has no desire to look at the gleaming brass handles and dark wood of his sister's casket.

Cait would have hated this, Martin thinks suddenly as the minister closes his Bible. She was always so happy. Martin squeezes his eyes shut as the casket is lowered into the ground. He is dimly aware of his uncle's arm around his shoulders. Roger grips his shoulder.

"It's time for us to throw a handful of dirt on the casket," he says.

Martin can't stand to hear him use the word casket, but then the mourners part for him and he throws the first handful of dirt onto the grave. Then he has a look at the marble gravestone.

Caitriona Elizabeth Hotaru Chatterley

29. October 1972 – 22. February 1981

Beloved sister

Ikusen-nen kurikashita koi wa shinpi no tatakai ne anata kara no ai no. Abite watashi wa kawatte yuku azayaka ni himeyaka ni. Oozora hirogeta mugen no tsubasa, hikari matotte ima habatakou, ashita e… (Translation: Don't cry about the rose when she is in danger by ice and snow, she will die and in spring be in bloom again. Also this body is not anything more than an illusion which pass in stream of time, in presence of truth nothing continue to exist. Only love, in eternity.)

When Martin read this he remembers his father, when he sat on his shoulders and the way he smiled. His eyes had always an inner brilliance like a clear blue summer sky. The passing of 25 years couldn't wipe out the memories of his parents and his sister, always they are in his blood, deeply in his heart. Since the subliminal wound came to light, nothing Martin did would quiet the memories down and often during the night he is awake, the thoughts torment him.

After the mourners had withdrew Martin stands alone in front of the grave and he let his gaze wander. Slowly the memories find their way to his heart. Abruptly like a monsoon rush over the country, pictures flash up in his head. Cait on a swing with her long black hair playing gently around her face, Cait when she bent her head over the pond and her ebony hair covered her face like a curtain, her beautiful laughter when she observed a small duck trying to dive. The memories are like a waterfall, whose strength apparently never runs dry, like a jungle so confusing and beautiful at the same time.

Martin looks up to the sky and he remembers the words of Cait in the garden: When I'm dead, look up to the sky because your pain reached so far, say to him what you want to say to me and I will answer you. It doesn't matter how you will be, as long as I love you and I will always love you, I will have faith in you and the sky will hold you.

Then the warm wind caressed him feeling warm and wonderful on his face and for one moment Martin has the strange feeling that it is Cait who gently strokes his face.

"Your scent, Cait, I still can smell it. It was like a piece of heaven to have you here. Every room you filled with sun and every annoyance you changed into the opposite. Generous was your gentle goodness, your tremendous pride. I never forget your upright walk, your cheerful dignity, and your imperturbable skills. I have you saved in my heart and I will always carry you in my soul until I die." Martin says.

Afterwards Martin walks slowly on the small path among the graves under high trees and stops when he reaches a ripple fountain. There isn't any longer the sound of voices which carries in the cemetery, he is completely alone. Almost. Unnoticed a woman steps to his side. Uncertainly she grips his hand and squeezes it. Martin turns abruptly and gasps for breath. He has not seen this gentle face above years ago, the shining and warm golden eyes, the sensual lips and her dark hair. Martin wants to embrace her so badly, but too much had happened. In his heart and head is an absolute confusion, but his face his motionless. So it's the woman's turn to embrace him and Martin's head falls on her shoulder. He smells the familiar scent like peppermint and it seems that no time has passed since they met the last time. Still he loves her and the time couldn't reduce it, his feelings never changed. But was there a chance after all what had happened?

"I'm so sorry, Martin. You may say it is better that I should stay away, but I can't do this any longer. I'm sorry you had to carry so much pain and now you had to relive your worst memories and face that man again. I want to be there for you, but I understand if you don't want. I can stay only a few days then I must go back to South Dakota. But I would like to see you there. I don't want to run away any longer. Even when you both were married, I couldn't forget you. I love you, I have always loved you.. That's the truth, I swear."

Martin is quiet when the woman tells him these things. Silently they are side by side. They see how a bird land on the fountain. He dips his beak into the water and when he flaps his wings to fly into the sky, the small water drops at his beak glitter like diamonds. Slowly the woman takes Martin's hand and her grip is warm and tight. He had to say goodbye to one beloved person, but maybe he got back another and maybe they could try to find a way.

* * *

* Dies ist meine englische Übersetzung des Lied „Und wenn ein Lied"

Deutsche Originalversion: Söhne Mannheims "Und wenn ein Lied":

„Sag ein kleines Stückchen Wahrheit

und sieh wie die Wüste lebt.

Schaffe ein kleines bisschen Wahrheit

und schau wie sich der Schleier hebt.

Eine Wüste aus Beton und Asphalt.

Doch sie lebt und öffnet einen Spalt,

der dir neues zeigt, zeigt das Altes weicht,

auch wenn dein Schmerz bis an den Himmel reicht."


	10. The sky will hold you

I'm sorry the last chapters took so long, but here is chapter 9. Enjoy!

* * *

_**Chapter 9 „The sky will hold you"**_

"Say something true

And see like the desert lives

Manage a little bit clearness

And see like the haze raise

A desert of concrete and asphalt

But it lives and opens a gap

Which shows you something new, shows that old gives away

Even if your pain reach up to the sky."

/"And when a song" – Söhne Mannheims

--

--

Two days later Martin bent his head, staring at the gaping hole in the ground. After the discovery of Cait's body there was the question where she should find her eternal rest. For the siblings it was clear that she should rest in the place she loved. They decided to bury her body in Kentucky. Cait should smell the famous Kentucky blue grass in spring and see the foals.

There are more people than Martin had imagined that came to pay their respects. Victor, his wife and her biological daughter with her husband and child, his uncle Roger with his two daughter's.

Also Marcus and Linda are there, where the three siblings live during their stay, and a lot of people he doesn't know. Elaine stands beside Quentin, her two daughters and her little son. Fiona is at Martin's side her arm linked with his.

The day is bright and pretty. The warm sun spilling yellow light everywhere and the air is crisp and clean from the rain day before. The black clothing of the mourners is out of place against the emerald grass and sapphire sky.

Cait can't not be seeing this lovely day. We can't be in this cemetery, saying good-by to her like this. Martin mourns inwardly hoping somewhere his precious sister is looking on at this beautiful day.

Martin squeezes his eyes shut. Nothing about the day felt real. He couldn't believe he would feel ever so much pain, like Cait's death years ago and today, all he feels is a dull, hollow ache.

"Some of us think we'll see Caitrona in heaven," the minister says. "Others will see her every day for the rest of their lives, in their memories."

Martin glances around at the mourners. He has no desire to look at the gleaming brass handles and dark wood of his sister's casket.

Cait would have hated this, Martin thinks suddenly as the minister closes his Bible. She was always so happy. Martin squeezes his eyes shut as the casket is lowered into the ground. He is dimly aware of his uncle's arm around his shoulders. Roger grips his shoulder.

"It's time for us to throw a handful of dirt on the casket," he says.

Martin can't stand to hear him use the word casket, but then the mourners part for him and he throws the first handful of dirt onto the grave. Then he has a look at the marble gravestone.

Caitriona Elizabeth Hotaru Chatterley

29. October 1972 – 22. February 1981

Beloved sister

Ikusen-nen kurikashita koi wa shinpi no tatakai ne anata kara no ai no. Abite watashi wa kawatte yuku azayaka ni himeyaka ni. Oozora hirogeta mugen no tsubasa, hikari matotte ima habatakou, ashita e… (Don't cry about the rose when she is in danger by ice and snow, she will die and in spring be in bloom again. Also this body is not anything more than an illusion which pass in stream of time, in presence of truth nothing continue to exist. Only love, in eternity.)

When Martin read this he remembers his father, when he sat on his shoulders and the way he smiled. His eyes had always an inner brilliance like a clear blue summer sky. The passing of 25 years couldn't wipe out the memories of his parents and his sister, always they are in his blood, deeply in his heart. Since the subliminal wound came to light, nothing Martin did would quiet the memories down and often during the night he is awake, the thoughts torment him.

After the mourners had withdrew Martin stands alone in front of the grave and he let his gaze wander. Slowly the memories find their way to his heart. Abruptly like a monsoon rush over the country, pictures flash up in his head. Cait on a swing with her long black hair playing gently around her face, Cait when she bent her head over the pond and her ebony hair covered her face like a curtain, her beautiful laughter when she observed a small duck trying to dive. The memories are like a waterfall, whose strength apparently never runs dry, like a jungle so confusing and beautiful at the same time.

Martin looks up to the sky and he remembers the words of Cait in the garden: When I'm dead, look up to the sky because your pain reached so far, say to him what you want to say to me and I will answer you. It doesn't matter how you will be, as long as I love you and I will always love you, I will have faith in you and the sky will hold you.

Then the warm wind caressed him feeling warm and wonderful on his face and for one moment Martin has the strange feeling that it is Cait who gently strokes his face.

"Your scent, Cait, I still can smell it. It was like a piece of heaven to have you here. Every room you filled with sun and every annoyance you changed into the opposite. Generous was your gentle goodness, your tremendous pride. I never forget your upright walk, your cheerful dignity, and your imperturbable skills. I have you saved in my heart and I will always carry you in my soul until I die." Martin says.

Afterwards Martin walks slowly on the small path among the graves under high trees and stops when he reaches a ripple fountain. There isn't any longer the sound of voices which carries in the cemetery, he is completely alone. Almost. Unnoticed a woman steps to his side. Uncertainly she grips his hand and squeezes it. Martin turns abruptly and gasps for breath. He has not seen this gentle face above years ago, the shining and warm golden eyes, the sensual lips and her dark hair. Martin wants to embrace her so badly, but too much had happened. In his heart and head is an absolute confusion, but his face his motionless. So it's the woman's turn to embrace him and Martin's head falls on her shoulder. He smells the familiar scent like peppermint and it seems that no time has passed since they met the last time. Still he loves her so much and the time couldn't reduce it, his feelings never changed.

"I'm so sorry, Martin. You may say it is better that I should stay away, but I can't do this any longer. I caused you so much pain and now you had to relive your worst memories and face that man again.

I want to be there for you, but I understand why you don't want anything to do with me. I can stay only a few days then I must go back to South Dakota. But I would like to see you there. We must discuss a lot of things and I hope you can forgive me at some time. I don't want to run away any longer. I love you, I have always loved you. That's the truth, I swear."

Martin is quiet when the woman tells him these things. Silently they are side by side. They see how a bird land on the fountain. He dips his beak into the water and when he flaps his wings to fly into the sky, the small water drops at his beak glitter like diamonds. Slowly the woman takes Martin's hand and her grip is warm and tight. He had to say goodbye to one beloved person, but he got back another and maybe they could try to find a way.

* * *

/Dies ist meine englische Übersetzung des Lied „Und wenn ein Lied"

Deutsche Originalversion: Söhne Mannheims "Und wenn ein Lied":

„Sag ein kleines Stückchen Wahrheit

und sieh wie die Wüste lebt.

Schaffe ein kleines bisschen Wahrheit

und schau wie sich der Schleier hebt.

Eine Wüste aus Beton und Asphalt.

Doch sie lebt und öffnet einen Spalt,

der dir neues zeigt, zeigt das Altes weicht,

auch wenn dein Schmerz bis an den Himmel reicht."


	11. The girl from the silence

_**Epilog**__**ue "The girl from the silence"**_

**_--_**

"Who has ears, hear.

Who has eyes, hear and see.

Who has hands,

hear and see and do.

Who has feet,

hear and see and do and go.

Who has a mouth,

hear and see and do and go and speak

and be silent

and be silent

and be silent –

and hear."

/Kurt Wolff

--

Fiona switched off the tv. Tiredly she rubs her eyes, sighs and leans back. There is so much she had to digest. The return of her mother, she hardly remembers her father. That's why she didn't miss her parents so much in contrast to Martin and Elaine. Without the knowledge of her siblings she had met her mother in a small café in Lexington where they talked. Fiona was curious about the stranger who is her mother. Much to her surprise Siobhan bends her head in the same way as Martin. Both women talked about Elaine, her husband, their children and Martin, also about her father, Alexander, the paintings her mother drew during the last years. The sketches were really beautiful and reminded Fiona of her own pictures and those which Martin drew during his teenage years.

Fiona rises and goes quietly upstairs to the kitchen. Marcus and Linda offered Fiona, Elaine and Martin to live in their house to prepare the funeral and something else. The three siblings have no desire to return in their old lives and so they decided to stay a little longer. When she is downstairs Fiona has a look in the living room. Her brother has fallen asleep on the couch. Since the funeral Martin's behaviour is strange, he is quieter than usual and often he seems absent. Or is it only in her imagination?

She goes to the couch and looks into Martin's face. His breath is calm und steady, but something is different, because there is a little smile on his face. Carefully she moves closer and pulls up the blanket. Martin moves slightly, but he doesn't wake up. Instinctively Fiona's hand found her way to Martin's face. Gently she strokes his forehead and his cheek. She is lucky Martin and Elaine would do everything for her. She smiles and kisses her brother's cheek, before she goes upstairs. When she arrives at her room Fiona remembers she wanted something to eat, but somehow that isn't any longer necessary. Instead Fiona opens her diary and begins to write.

_The wind tears up the darkness. The tears are not any longer dark, full of grief, abandoned and alone, but full of hope and light._

_The morning begins and the sky of the night disappears with his innumerable stars._

_The wind touch wonderful and warm my face and the sun__ spoils me with her light beams. _

_I deal with my past and I know, I must leave these times behind me._

_I healed myself, because I went back a painful way to understand who I am._

_There are some lucky memories from with my parents and siblings and the years are unable to get at those memories._

_I'm a girl who couldn't hear. Actually._

_A girl who could see and smell, taste and feel, but couldn't hear._

_But then with the CI I was allowed to how marvellous it could be to distinguish tones from each other._

_Sounds of noises and melodies of barking dogs. I'm connected with people around me. The sense of hearing is really beautiful. _

_Finally I hear, how wonderful life sounds._

_Finally I can hear and control my own voice; I can play with pitches, sounding spirited or lovely. I can perceive nuances and understand irony._

_I'm connected with the people around me._

_Hearing is not only marvellous. It's a miracle…_

_But this night I will remove the transmitter from the magnet in my head and I will enjoy the silence._

_A silence, which is disturbed by nothing._

_A silence, which absorbs me and protect me like my brother does it always._

_A silence, which made me strong._

_A silence, which is unique._

_A silence, which is planned for me since the first day._

**FIN**

* * *

This was the last chapter and I hope you like it.

* * *

/Dies meine englische Übersetzung des Gedichts von Kurt Wolff

deutsche Originalversion von Kurt Wolff:

„_Wer Ohren hat, höre._

_Wer Augen hat, höre und sehe._

_Wer Hände hat,_

_höre und sehe und tue._

_Wer Füße hat, _

_höre und sehe und tue und gehe._

_Wer ein Mund hat,_

_höre und sehe und tue und gehe und rede _

_und schweige_

_und schweige_

_und schweige –_

_und höre."_


End file.
